Serena van der Woodsen - My Story
by tvdlover16
Summary: Holding the title of Manhattan's most prestigious; of course I am at the centre of every scandal and rumour of the Upper East Side. My name has been attached to a number of dramatic revelations, many of which are true… however, for the ones that aren't; I feel I'm ready to tell the whole truth to the world. I, Serena van der Woodsen reveal all.
1. Chapter 1

Holding the title of Manhattan's most prestigious; of course I am at the centre of every scandal and rumour of the Upper East Side. My name has been attached to a number of dramatic revelations, many of which are true… however, for the ones that aren't; I feel I'm ready to tell the whole truth to the world. I, Serena van der Woodsen reveal all.

As you all know, my not so glamourous debut as the Upper East Side's 'it girl' was when wearing a dripping Versace dress on the return from one of Constance's grand field trips. It may come to no surprise that the dress's days were over after its mortifying rise to fame. Although I'd assumed Gossip Girl's blast would be nothing but a one hit wonder, she continued to blog about my life until this very present day. Maybe I should rephrase 'blogging' to torturing. I learned to view my private life as more of a public life, as Gossip Girl's obsession with me only led to a chain of unnecessary disclosures. Who would have thought that one outfit and false weather report would destine my life to be the topic of discussion repeatedly?

Reluctantly returning to Manhattan it was probably naïve of me to believe that nobody would recognise 'Serena van der Woodsen', but as soon as I arrived at Grand central station I was mobbed by Gossip Girl's minions. Prior to may return I thought that the life I had left behind would be the end of Gossip Girl's fixation with me but what I didn't know was that she was only just beginning. If not for my brother Eric I would have never returned to the Upper East Side; however his vulnerable mental state of course left me with no choice but to return. The thought of Eric trapped inside the Ofstroff Centre alone and scared, sickened me and therefore I told myself I could handle any consequences I had tried to run from previously.

The person I was most apprehensive about seeing again was Blair. As kids we'd always been inseparable, Blair really is the best friend anyone could ever have but I had left with no explanation and I knew too well she wouldn't be waiting with open arms. Which is why the reunion didn't exactly go as planned. For many years I and Blair have had a number of fights and have equally stabbed each other in the back, but what's a true friendship without them? So thankfully, the reunion I had longed for wasn't too far out of reach. I'll never forget the feeling of finally having my best friend back. I love you B.

But I suppose the person you're all dying to hear about is of course Dan Humphrey. I never expected to find romance on my return to the Upper East Side; in fact it was the one thing I was trying to avoid. All my attention was focused on supporting Eric and rebuilding my friendship with Blair, so my relationship with Dan really was a surprise. My mother's constant obsession with how my return would do 'wonders' for the family meant there was a very long list of public appearances and festivities she wanted me to attend. However, there was nothing that repulsed me more. During my time at Boarding school I'd grown as a person – matured – I didn't want my old party lifestyle back I was happy to just be invisible – but of course that wasn't an option. So, Dan's low key Brooklyn routine appealed to me. I fell in love with Dan Humphrey very easy. Who couldn't love his intelligent, funny, caring self? When looking back on all my relationships Dan will always be the one I'll never regret. I mean who really forgets their first real love?

Gossip Girl however meant that a 'low key Brooklyn relationship' was off the cards, and mine and Dan's relationship soon became the heart of Constance's conversations. I remember feeling worried Dan might run for the hills and get as far away from me as possible, unable to handle the intensity of the Upper East Side. Fortunately, Dan loved me enough to stay put. Dan and I had a long, happy, passionate relationship until the return of Georgina Sparks.

I had avoided the 'Georgina' conversation with Dan for months, as I was afraid his opinion of me would change. So, when Miss Sparks made a dramatic arrival I began to tell a chain of lies to protect Dan and hide my past. I hated lying to Dan, but I told myself it was the only way to save our relationship. However, Georgina succeeded in destroying my happiness when she began manipulating Dan and turning him against me. There's a reason why Gossip Girl labelled her the 'bitch' of the Upper East Side –at least we can agree on one thing.


	2. Chapter 2

Georgina was the real reason I had left Manhattan. Blair was under the impression my secret flee was because I had betrayed her. Partly yes, my truly regretful drunken sex with my best friends boyfriend Nate, was more than a justified reason for my departure. However, the death of Peter was the sole reason for running away from the Upper East Side. I can not place the blame on Georgina entirely, as I was the one who accepted and welcomed the drugs - I was never forced. But, Georgina was definitely the instigator, I was the influenced opposed to the influencer. After hurting my best friend in the worst way possible, I fled from the Shepherd wedding. Appalled by my behaviour, I felt drugs were my only answer, so off i went to the one place I knew I would get them and wouldn't be judged - Georgina and Peter. To know I witnessed Peter's overdose and left him hopeless with only a phone call to the hospital, disgusted me. I had become a terrible person. The only option was to leave Manhattan. The death of Peter haunted me for months and months and I was sure Dan would see me as the monster I saw myself as. My first year back in the Upper East Side ended destructively - my darkest secret was exposed and I had lost the love of my life.

I saw that summer as my second escape route. A summer at my grandmother CeCe's glorious beach house was exactly the vacation I needed. I enjoyed a break away from the Upper East Side and I saw it as a chance to try and move on from Dan. However, I didn't fully avoid scheming, Nate was seeing a much older married woman at the time and he needed me to fake a relationship with him to cover his affair. At first I was apprehensive about it, I mean I'd only just broken up with Dan and I didn't want him to think I had gotten over him so easily. However, after not hearing a word from him all summer I thought helping my best friend out and making my ex jealous was a win win situation.

What I didn't expect was Dan to show up right in the moment I was kissing Nate in order to make Catherine jealous?! Yes, the kiss was purely for that reason only but Dan's face made me realise this fake relationship had to come to an end. Dan was the only man I wanted. I knew right there and then all attempts of trying to move on from Dan Humphrey that summer were a complete waste of time. I was never going to be able to get over him. Overwhelmed by his romantic gesture I fell immediately back in love with Dan. We spent the night together on the beach, watching fireworks by the camp fire wrapped in each other arms - I finally felt the feeling I had longed for all summer. I never wanted the feeling to leave me again which is why I decided to tell Dan the next morning I needed to time to think before we jumped back into a relationship. I needed to know this was forever. We had to take things slow to prevent the mistakes we made last time, from happening again.

Staying away from Dan turned out to be an impossible task. I couldn't stop thinking about him and we found every excuse to see each other. I've always found hiding my emotions extremely hard and so I told Dan I didn't want to wait and I was ready to show the world Serena van der Woodsen and Dan Humphrey were back together. Gossip girl took it upon herself to inform everyone 'lonely boy' wasn't so lonely anymore, and Blair wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea but for the first time in so long I was happy.

Eventually the fear I had long awaited came true. Mine and Dan's lifestyles just were not compatible. Unfortunately I had predicted long before that Dan would become tired of my hectic life and pressure of the spotlight. Dan began to believe I had everything handed to me on a plate and at the time I was unable to see this, unaware of the advantages my name had. His love for me hadn't changed, and neither had mine for him but Dan could no longer cope with the constant drama. That is why our second break up was even more unbearable than the first. Neither of us wanted to let go because we were both so in love but deep down we both knew our relationship wasn't ready for the Upper East Side. We decided not being together was the only hope we had of rekindling it in the future.

I couldn't bear the thought of Dan ever belonging to anyone else. Freedom meant he could date anyone he wanted. I didn't expect him to move on so quickly to someone else from the Constance. However, the expectation of his next girlfriend to be not a student, but a teacher at Constance was an expectation I most definitely did not see coming.


End file.
